Application For Permission To Be Considered for Dating My Daughter

Please answer ALL of the following questions.

Failure to answer ALL questions honestly/correctly results in an application that is ignored. If you fail to follow the instructions provided then your application will also be ignored. Once this form is submitted you will simply receive a confirmation that your answers will be sent to us. We may then process your application sometime in the future. Any applications containing garbage indicate the presence of only half a brain and therefore those application will be ignored.
For applications rejected/ignored for any reason, resubmissions will be considered after a period of six months from notification of the failure of your application.

Personal Details

Applicant's Full Name:
Email Address:
Address:
Phone:
Mobile
Date of Birth:
Weight:
I am applying to date (person's name):
Drivers License Number:
Church you attend:
How often are you attending?:
How would you rate your looks?:
Has my daughter introduced you to her parents?:
Do you own any of the following:
A Van?
A Boy Racer car?
A waterbed?
Do you have any of the following:
A Tattoo?
Any metal protruding from holes in your skin?
Are your vaccinations up to date?

References

Reference Type	Name	Address	Phone Number	Best Time to Contact
Father
Mother
Doctor
Employer
Lawyer
Accountant
Personal

Complete the Sentence

Complete the following sentences.

If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is ...
If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is ...
A woman's place is in the ...
The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ...
When I meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is ...
If I grow up, I want to be ...
My favourite alcoholic beverage is ...
My favourite cigarette brand is ...
My favourite recreational drug is ...

Mini Essay Section

Write a short essay, between 50 and 100 words, on each on the following topics

What does the word "LATE" mean to you?

What does the word "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?

What does the word "NO" mean to you?

What does the phrase "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

What are your intentions with my daughter?

IQ Section

1.	Which one of the five choices makes the best comparison? LIVED is to DEVIL as 6323 is to:
		2336
		6232
		3236
		3326
		6332

2.	Which one of these five is least like the other four?
		Mule
		Kangaroo
		Cow
		Deer
		Donkey

3.	Which number should come next? 144 121 100 81 64 ?
		17
		19
		36
		49
		50

4.	Even the most ___________ rose has thorns.
		Ugly
		Weathered
		Lonely
		Noxious
		Tempting

5.	HAND is to Glove as HEAD is to
		Hair
		Hat
		Neck
		Earring
		Hairpin

is to

7.	John likes 400 but not 300; he likes 100 but not 99; he likes 2500 but not 2400. Which does he like?
		900
		1000
		1100
		1200

8.	A fallacious argument is:
		Disturbing
		Valid
		False
		Necessary

9.	If you rearrange the letters "ANLDEGN," you would have the name of a(n):
		Ocean
		Country
		State
		City
		Animal

10.	NASA received three messages in a strange language from a distant planet. The scientists studied the messages and found that "Necor Buldon Slock" means "Danger Rocket Explosion" and "Edwan Mynor Necor" means "Danger Spaceship Fire" and "Buldon Gimilzor Gondor" means "Bad Gas Explosion". What does "Slock" mean?
		Danger
		Explosion
		Nothing
		Rocket
		Gas

11.	If some Wicks are Slicks, and some Slicks are Snicks, then some Wicks are definitely Snicks. The statement is:
		True
		False
		Neither

12.	Ann is taller than Jill, and Kelly is shorter than Ann. Which of the following statements would be most accurate?
		Kelly is taller than Jill
		Kelly is shorter than Jill
		Kelly is as tall as Jill
		It's impossible to tell

13.	A boy is 4 years old and his sister is three times as old as he is. When the boy is 12 years old, how old will his sister be?
		16
		20
		24
		28
		32

14.	Assume that these two statements are true: All brown-haired men have bad tempers. Larry is a brown-haired man. The statement Larry has a bad temper is:
		True
		False
		Unable to determine

15.	Two girls caught 25 frogs. Lisa caught four times as many as Jen did. How many frogs did Jen catch?
		4
		5
		8
		10
		15

16.	Inept is the opposite of:
		Fit
		Deep
		Skillful
		Sad
		Happy

17.	A car traveled 28 miles in 30 minutes. How many miles per hour was it traveling?
		28
		36
		56
		58
		62

18.	If all Zips are Zoodles, and all Zoodles are Zonkers, then all Zips are definitely Zonkers. The above sentence is logically:
		True
		False
		Neither

19.	Sue is both the 50th best and the 50th worst student at her school. How many students attend her school?
		50
		75
		99
		100
		101

20.	In a race from point X to point Y and back, Jack averages 30 miles per hour to point Y and 10 miles per hour back to point X. Sandy averages 20 miles per hour in both directions. Between Jack and Sandy, who finished first?
		Jack
		Sandy
		They tie
		Neither
		Impossible to tell

Sleep Section

21.	Do you go to bed and wake up at the same time each day?
		Always
		Most of the time
		Yes, but only on weekdays
		I'm very inconsistent

22.	How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
		Less than five
		Between five and eight
		More than eight

23.	Do you exercise regularly?
		Yes
		No

24.	Do you exercise within one hour of going to bed?
		Yes
		No
		Sometimes

25.	Describe your room temperature.
		Too cold
		Cool and comfortable
		Warm and comfortable
		Too hot

26.	Describe the sound levels in your bedroom.
		Very quiet
		A few noises now and then
		Quite noisy

27.	Describe the light levels in your bedroom.
		Pitch black
		Pretty dark
		Dim
		Bright as day

28.	Do you read, watch TV, or work in bed?
		Yes
		No
		Sometimes

29.	Do you often eat dinner less than an hour before bedtime?
		Yes
		No
		It depends

30.	Do you smoke?
		No
		Yes
		Sometimes

Balanced Lifestyle

31.	Dinner is usually:
		Homecooked using all the food groups
		Homecooked and not so healthy
		At a restaurant
		Take-out
		Picking at whatever I can find
		Non-existent

32.	How often do you floss?
		Every day
		A few times a week
		When I remember
		I don't

33.	If you had to take a fitness test, what would you get?
		A
		B
		C
		D
		F

34.	Complete this sentence: Food is to health as water is to:
		The ocean
		A can of Campbell's soup
		Oil

35.	When you feel stressed, you would most likely reach for:
		The phone
		Your yoga mat
		Chocolate
		A drink (yeah, that kind)
		Some other vice

36.	Sleep is:
		Necessary to function
		Pretty damn important
		A luxury
		A nightly challenge
		Only for the weak

37.	Your energy level is like:
		An unstoppable Ferrari
		A quick, sleek BMW
		A steady Honda
		A run-down Chevy

38.	How often do you eat dessert?
		Every night
		Sometimes
		On special occasions
		Rarely
		I don't touch the stuff

39.	Do you take a daily multi-vitamin?
		Yes
		When I remember
		No

40.	Your significant other reminds you of:
		A magnificent sunset
		A peaceful lake
		An overcast day
		A roller-coaster ride
		A dungeon
		I don't have a significant other

Body Image Section

41.	How many outfits do you try on before you decide what to wear?
		I wear the first thing I put on
		2-3
		3-5
		I lose count

42.	Which is the worst experience?
		A flat tire
		A bad haircut
		Bathing suit shopping
		An earthquake

43.	Do you wear horizontal stripes?
		Heck no!
		Only on top
		Occasionally
		Why wouldn't I?

44.	Can you find something wrong with even the most beautiful woman?
		Without a doubt
		Probably
		It's difficult
		It's nearly impossible

45.	How do you feel about having your picture taken?
		I love it!
		I like it most of the time
		Fine
		Don't particularly like it
		I avoid it at all costs

46.	Do you have designated "fat clothes" and "thin clothes"?
		Yes
		No

47.	Have you ever put off clothes shopping until you've lost weight?
		Yes - and my wardrobe is very outdated
		Yes - many of my clothes are now too small
		Yes - and it was a great motivation to lose that weight
		No

48.	Liposuction is:
		My savior
		Something I'd consider
		A cop-out
		A terrible invention

49.	Do you have specific body parts that you pinch or monitor to measure weight gain or loss?
		Yes
		Depends on if I'm in a big or small phase
		If I remember
		No

50.	Have you ever cut the tags out of your clothes so you wouldn't have to see the size?
		My wardrobe is tagless
		Yes - a few things
		No, I wouldn't buy it if I didn't like the size
		No, that's ridiculous

Eating Habits Section

51.	How often do you eat your largest meal in the evening?
		Every day
		3-6 times a week
		1-2 times a week
		Never

52.	Does the amount you eat vary from day-to-day and from week-to-week?
		Always
		Sometimes
		Rarely
		Never

53.	Do you take your time while eating?
		Always
		Sometimes
		Rarely
		Never

54.	Do you eat most of your food in 1-2 meals during the day?
		Always
		Sometimes
		Rarely
		Never

55.	How often do you eat breakfast?
		Every day
		4-6 times a week
		2-3 times a week
		Once a week
		What is breakfast?

56.	How often do you diet for more than one week at a time?
		I'm always on a diet
		About once a month
		4-7 times a year
		Around the holidays or for special events
		I never diet

57.	How often do you eat whole grains (brown rice, wheat bread, whole grain cereals) instead of processed grains (white bread, refined sugars)?
		All the time
		Usually
		Sometimes
		Never

58.	How often do you eat snacks like candy, cookies, or ice cream?
		Never
		1-2 times a week
		3-6 times a week
		Every day
		More than once a day

59.	How often do you eat something at night, shortly before going to bed?
		Every day
		3-6 times a week
		1-2 times a week
		Once in a while
		Never

60.	How often do you snack on fresh fruits and vegetables?
		Never
		Once in a while
		2-3 times a week
		Every day
		More than once a day

Naughty or Nice Section

HAVE YOU EVER ...

61.	Shoplifted?
		Yes, and it was major
		Yes, but it was minor
		No way

62.	Done drugs of any kind?
		Yup
		Nope

63.	Cheated on someone?
		Yes, many times
		Yes, once
		No

64.	Cheated on a test?
		Yes, lots of times
		Yes, but I felt terrible about it
		No

65.	Started a rumor?
		Yes
		Well, there was some truth to it
		No

66.	Been arrested?
		I have
		I haven't

67.	Had an office romance?
		Yes and it was worth it
		Yes, and what a mistake
		No, but I tried
		No, I would never do that

68.	Neglected to wear underwear out at night?
		Sure, all the time
		Occasionally
		Once or twice
		By accident...
		Of course not

69.	Prank called someone?
		Who hasn't?
		Maybe once or twice...
		When I was a kid
		No

70.	Sent an inappropriate email?
		Oh yeah!
		No, but I'd certainly like to
		No, I'm too timid
		That's disgusting

Poetry Section


71.	Consider the following poem:

		To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old time is still a-flying; And this same flower that smiles today, Tomorrow will be dying. The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun, The higher he's a-getting, The sooner will his race be run, And nearer he's to setting. The age is best which is the first, When youth and blood are warmer; But being spent, the worse and worst Times still succeed the former. Then be not coy, but use your time, And while ye may, go marry; For having lost but once your prime, You may forever tarry. Robert Herrick, 1591-1674

	What is the theme of Herrick's poem?

		a.	Marriage is most successful when a couple is young.
		b.	Youth is best spent in ease; there is time enough in later years to accomplish our goals.
		c.	We must take advantage of the opportunities afforded in our youth because youth is fleeting.
		d.	Everything eventually dies, thus, nothing we do is truly important.

72.	"A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals" is an example of a:

		a.	symbol
		b.	homonym
		c.	paradox
		d.	pun

73.	Choose the line that best concludes the following poem. Consider rhythm, rhyme, and meter.

		The little town and river grew as one And played as children on the valley floor In stormy weather if they scrapped for fun

		a.	They always liked each other again soon as they did before
		b.	This only made them like each other more
		c.	It was because it often rained without measure
		d.	They did so only when it would pour


74.	An antonym for frigid is:

		a.	cold
		b.	tepid
		c.	sweltering
		d.	freezing

75.	Consider the following poem:

		On My First Son Farewell, thou child of my right hand, and joy; My sin was too much hope of thee, loved boy: Seven years thou wert lent to me, and I thee pay, Exacted by thy fate, on the just day. O could I lose all father now! For why Will man lament the state he should envy, To have so soon 'scaped world's and flesh's rage, And, if no other misery, yet age? Rest in soft peace, and asked, say, Here doth lie Ben Jonson his best piece of poetry. For whose sake henceforth his vows be such As what he loves may never like too much. Ben Jonson, 1572-1637

	In what style is Jonson's poem written?

		a.	blank verse
		b.	sonnet
		c.	rhyming couplets
		d.	rhyming tercets


76.	In the following excerpt from "Doc Hill," written by Edgar Lee Masters, who is the speaker?

		I went up and down the streets Here and there by day and night, Through all hours of the night caring for the poor who were sick. Do you know why? My wife hated me, my son went to the dogs.

		a.	Doc Hill
		b.	Edgar Lee Masters
		c.	Mrs. Hill
		d.	An omniscient narrator who does not appear in the poem

77.	"A litany of little linnets alighted on the lamppost" is an example of:

		a.	dissonance
		b.	consonance
		c.	alliteration
		d.	refrain

78.	Identify the rhyme scheme in the following poem:

		If We Must Die If we must die, let it not be like hogs Hunted and penned in an inglorious spot, While round us bark the mad and hungry dogs, Marking their mock at our accursed lot. If we must die, O let us nobly die, So that our precious blood may not be shed In vain; then even the monsters we defy Shall be constrained to honor us though dead! O kinsmen! We must meet the common foe! Though far outnumbered let us show us brave, And for their thousand blows deal one deathblow! What though before us lies the open grave? Like men we'll face the murderous, cowardly pack, Pressed to the wall, dying, but fighting back! Claude McKay, 1889-1948


		a.	aabbccddeeffgg
		b.	ababcdcdefefgg
		c.	aabbaabbcdcdee
		d.	aabbaabbccddee

79.	A poem must contain which of the following?

		a.	rhyme
		b.	stanzas
		c.	meter
		d.	none of the above

80.	Consider the following poem:

		Symphony in Yellow An omnibus across the bridge Crawls like a yellow butterfly, And, here and there, a passer-by Shows like a little restless midge. Big barges full of yellow hay Are moored against the shadowy wharf, And like a yellow silken scarf, The thick fog hangs along the quay. The yellow leaves begin to fade And flutter from the Temple elms, And at my feet the pale green Thames Lies like a rod of rippled jade. Oscar Wilde, 1854-1900

	What literary device is used in every stanza?

		a.	metaphor
		b.	hyperbole
		c.	personification
		d.	simile

Personality Section

81.	I really enjoy art and music.
		Absolutely
		Mostly
		Not really
		Not at all

82.	I'm very careful about how I do things.
		All the time
		Sometimes
		Rarely
		Never

83.	I don't like to draw attention to myself.
		Very true
		Mostly true
		Rarely true
		Never true

84.	I've got a good word for everyone.
		Definitely
		Sometimes
		Not really
		Not at all

85.	I'm pretty comfortable with myself
		100% of the time
		65% of the time
		35% of the time
		0% of the time

86.	I'm a bit of a daydreamer.
		That's totally me
		That's pretty accurate
		That's rarely me
		That's never me

87.	I tend to blow off my duties.
		Completely
		Quite often
		Not really
		Not at all

88.	I make friends easily.
		Very
		Somewhat
		Not really
		Not at all

89.	I get into arguments.
		Strongly agree
		Agree
		Disagree
		Strongly disagree

90.	I tend to disappoint myself.
		Very true
		Mostly true
		Mostly false
		Very false

Identity Section

91.	Do you live alone?
		Yes
		No

92.	How often do you talk to yourself?
		Never
		Sometimes
		Constantly

93.	Do you talk in your sleep?
		Yes
		No
		Don't know

94.	Have you ever practiced role-playing in the bedroom?
		Yes
		No
		That is no one's business

95.	Have you ever said anything totally out of character?
		Yes
		No
		I sometimes scream uncontrollably

96.	Do you like reruns?
		I am addicted to television
		Certain shows
		Not really

97.	Do your dreams ever contain TV or movie stars?
		Yes, I seduce them
		Yes, they torture me
		Yes, but only Lucille Ball
		Never

98.	Have you ever been under general anesthesia?
		Yes
		No

99.	How often do you lose your thoughts?
		Never. I'm sharp as a tack
		Sometimes I space out
		Quite often
		Umm. What was the question again?

100.	Do you ever forget where you leave things?
		Often
		Rarely

Introvert/Extrovert Section

101.	Which of the following sounds like your typical Friday night?
		Doing something mellow by myself
		Going out (with friends or a date)
		Calling a friend to chat
		Renting a movie with a friend

102.	When you're upset about something, you usually:
		Talk to a friend about it
		Keep it locked up inside
		Take it out on someone else
		Burden strangers with my problems

103.	You're in the middle of an enormous crowd. You feel:
		Comfortable
		Claustrophobic
		Annoyed
		Terrified
		Nonplussed

104.	Which kind of music are you most likely to listen to?
		Hip hop
		Jazz
		Classical
		Pop
		Heavy metal
		Classic rock

105.	How would you describe your "plays well with others" skills?
		E — Excellent
		G — Good
		S — Satisfactory
		N — Needs improvement
		U — Unsatisfactory

106.	Do you ever meet your friends for happy hour?
		No, never
		All the time
		Sometimes
		What is this "happy hour" you speak of?

107.	In school tests/exams, you scored higher on the:
		Verbal section
		Math section
		I scored about the same on both
		I didn't take them

108.	Have you ever picked up a hitchhiker?
		Yes
		No way — that's dangerous!
		No way — I don't want to have to make conversation with a stranger
		No, but I'd consider it

109.	In your group of friends, your role is closest to:
		The center of attention
		The sensitive one
		The joker
		The quiet, good-looking one
		The jerk
		The sketchy one
		None of the above — I just blend in

110.	When you create something you're proud of (writing, music, art, etc.), do you like to show it to people?
		Yes
		No
		I'm not the creative type

If you even get to here ...

Are you still interested in my daughter?

Yes, please process my application
I actually mistook her for some one else ...
I think I have the wrong house ...

Thank you for your interest. Please allow two to three months for processing. You will be notified in writing if your application has been successful. Please do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want to watch your back).

Since you already obviously know where we live, please post the application fee of $500 to our address. Application processing will commence once payment is received and cleared.